Chapter 35: Stereomanic Vs Kenny Sia (unrevised)

Have you ever have dreamt of epic fantasy fights? Imagine epic battles between Spider-man and Superman or Spawn Vs Venom or Miley Cyrus Vs McCain. I’ve always wondered what would happen if I would pick a fight with Mr. Guinness himself, the famous blogger, Kenny Sia. I always had, okay, maybe when I didn’t have any proper blogging material but still, it would have been epic…okay, it’s probably as entertaining as seeing two geriatrics from the old lions home getting it hot and heavy on a bamboo mat, unless you’re into that kind of thing, then I can only silently nod my head in discomfort.

So this is a probable could-have happened simulation fight between Stereomanic and Kenny Sia. However, before we continue indulging into my twisted little simulation here, let’s get to know the two people about to go head to head in my imaginative mind.

KENNY SIA

According to Kenny’s Wikipedia page

“Kenny Sia was born and raised in Kuching, in the Malaysian state of Sarawak. He was educated in a Chinese language school. Kenny Sia graduated with a degree in Physics and a Honours degree in Electronic & Communication Engineering.
Sia speaks and writes in English, Malay and Mandarin. He is also able to converse in the Chinese Hokkien dialect. In his blog, he uses a combination of colloquial Malaysian-brand English (referred to as Manglish), and Standard English in order to present the unique flavor of Malaysian society.”

STEREOMANIC

According to his Google Profile

“Stereomanic was born from transistors and light bulbs which fuse together to make a cheap Asian radio. However due to the radiation contaminating the sensitive circuitry, he was tuned into forbidden western idealism meaning Television. He was a former member of the next generation but decided to forgo the mental torture and resides under a stone. He is also a part-time blogger posting useless nothings but have a decent fan base. He is also part Indian, Chinese and a mixture of land and sea Dayak (indigenous races). Stereomanic also haves 11 wives…kidding, he is also not stupid enough to have 11 wives because he knows it would also mean 11 mothers-in-law. Now, that’s scary. ”

I think he’s lying.



Well, enough of the biographies and on with the probable match-up.


THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR


If I know Kenny, which I don’t, I’ll say he’s going to fight dirty and use his sponsor powers to deter Stereomanic’s offensive maneuvers. Kenny will also be able to self heal because of his connection with Prudential while Stereomanic will not have the money to even pay for insurance. Instead he throws a punch, of course, assuming Stereomanic isn’t too drunk to see straight.


WEATHER PREDICTION



SCENARIO TABLE


(CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE)



FANS REACTION



(CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE)




(CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE)

SO who do you think would have WON?
SINCERELY YOURS.
STEREO "I BID YOU ADIEU" MANIC

Chapter 34: Truth Exposed: Archie and the gang

WARNING: The following contents and impressions the author makes in this entry are purely fictional and for comedy purposes. The parody you’re about to witness does not profit the author or this website/blog and does not contain any ill intent to the subjects he shoots at. Please refrain from suing his ass and please, at least, try to form a sense of humor. Laughter is good.


Hello people and welcome to a new segment in the Stereomanic universe called ‘’Truth Exposed”. Today we take a look at the insidious side of teenagers gone awry. This group of teenagers has walked on the wrong side of the tracks for far too long while creating a facade all this while to be wholesome and fun loving. Yes, we are taking a journey into Riverdale where the decadent lifestyles of the now famous teenagers have run rampant for more than a few decades.

I for one question their validity in being in a high school for that long. Do they suffer from some sort of ailment which deters them from understanding the high school syllabus? Perhaps they couldn’t pass gym class? or is it a scam to overthrow the current administration in some diabolical plot only a bunch of teenagers can pull off? So many questions, so little time, today we will try to answer as many questions as possible.

They go by the street name “Archie and the gang”.

This ‘’gang’’ of happy go lucky, sunshine mind, wholesome, youthful and energetic teenagers cannot do no wrong but what if, we dive deeper into their mindset and expose their true selves? Would they turn that smile on your face upside down? Or would it just show the decline of morals in our teens today?

The worse discoveries are where it is least expected and just knowing that the gang is well known tween idols and role models disturbs this author to no end and no, Archie and gang should not be mistaken for the Jonas Brothers.

I have taken painstaking amount of time doing research (I read the whole article on Wikipedia) and discovered disturbing facts about the Archie universe from top research methods (I took wild guesses and called it theories). Let’s take a look at the characters of this group.


Archibald “Archie” Andrews


The titular protagonist or antagonist, depends on how you see it, is a bumbling red headed fool who despite his repulsive looks alongside those craters he calls freckles seems to date these hot girls who in their naiveté, couldn’t see pass his hidden agendas, in which the author acknowledges and understands is fulfilling every red blooded male’s need to hump anything female with two to three holes (four is still under research) but there was once a great man who said that with great powers come great responsibility, it’s Shakespeare, trust me, don’t wiki it. However I would like to add that he did quite a number on these girls he’s dating, two girls, both of them going gaga over this self centered fellow, both sides knows about each other and fighting for him. Worst part is that they’re best friends. I think he’s the playboy version of Dr. Phil.


Elizabeth ‘’Betty” Cooper


The typical blonde girl next door without the typical valley girl traits, she’s into cars, she can cook, she’s a good athlete, down to earth and she’s the most likely candidate to sacrifice herself to scientology just to save a stranger, rumors has it that she’s a better improved version of Megan Fox but that’s still inconclusive so why is this perfect girl so imperfect and borderline crazy? She suffers from what we believe as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and unlike Howie Mandall; it’s not even relatively funny as how she obsessed about the red head carrot top known as Archie. Unlike her everyday life with friends and family, she seems highly capable to be a normal girl and have an IQ differing from the rest of her peers as highly intelligent, of course, losing out to Dilton Doiley. However, when Archie is involved into the mix, she goes off her typical characteristics and employs a more diabolical character, like Jekyll and Hyde, we believe she would damn near kill everyone, she would go leap and bounds for Archie who string her along on his coattail.


Veronica “Ronnie” Lodge


Indisputably the richest teenage girl in Riverdale, over Riverdale’s other rich socialite, Cheryll Blossom is known for her spoilt, richer than thou and better than thou attitude with another side whereby she can be extremely nice, to an extend it could rival the ultra niceness of Betty Cooper. Our experts’ psychoanalysis on her character claims it’s a cross between schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorder, we at the office here, decided to call it “Paris Hilton Syndrome”, except that Veronica Lodge is real. She is also the other woman who is fighting Betty for Archie’s affection and in most cases, Veronica has won hands down but that doesn’t stop Betty from trying. Our experts in the office have come up with a few probabilities of Betty’s attempt to steal back Archie from Ron’s arms and came to a conclusion that Veronica would be killed by a giant rat that Betty have kept under her house for a decade plus in the year 2016 in which Archie would turn gay for Reggie. Hey, no one said that probabilities were right okay.

Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones III


The author would like to reserve that he is a fan of Jughead Jones but decided to continue on debunking the Archie malarkey and lies that actually contributed to the first moon landing hoax (facts may vary). Jughead is Archie’s best friend since childhood, has a B type personality traits, can be a bit ambivalent and random. He is a compulsive overeater and also believed to be bulimic or have a very strong high metabolism rate/ resistance to gaining weight. Scientist are awaiting test result to turn his body mechanism into some sort of sustenance for fat people, namely women who asked their men whether they looked fat in their outfit and for men who are fed up getting beaten up for answering such a question. Jughead is also a women hater, a misogynist or to put it simply, a sexist. Throughout a series of Jughead’s life, one will soon come to realization that he doesn’t date, in fact, he doesn’t date females because he prefers food over the other which can only lead to one conclusion…he’s camp, he’s gay, he’s a man’s man, he’s the man who likes sausages….you get the point.

Reginald "Reggie" Mantle III


Suffers from superiority complex, he is histrionic and a narcissist. He is also known as a class clown or more like a bully sometimes. He pokes fun at everyone. Reggie like Archie, follows Veronica’s every whim and command to a point, it just sickens anyone in the same vicinity. He dates Betty from time to time, showing an almost total recall of his character. Our specialists in our hidden Texas labs told us, it’s probably because he’s trying to get into her panties or if he’s platonic, he’s giving her a pity date, but since he is dating her because he probably couldn’t get a date on Friday nights and she’s just using him for a shoulder to cry on when Archie’s wooed away by the allure of a rich busty babe like Veronica, we figured that he could be a possible homosexual.

Other not so newsworthy characters

Marmaduke Mason also known as Big Moose, the overprotective boyfriend of Midge Klump suffers from dyslexia according to Wikipedia. He’s build like a ton of bricks made out of the same metal components used on those NASA rockets but is as dumb as a George Bush supporter. Moose is so possessive over Midge; it’s a wonder how she stands it, in fact…


Midge Klump, Moose’s girlfriend is quite the hottie as far as cartoon girls goes (According to a thousand Archie comic fanboys we interviewed). When she isn’t dealing with Moose’s overbearing jealousy and idiocy, she gets herself addicted to infidelity, normally spotted kissing Reggie or some other random dude that looks like Reggie. Okay, Reggie is the one she’s kissing most of the time, which baffled my detectives to no end, I had to call in special favors from Batman and even he is baffled but can we really trust that man dressed in a bat suit who used to have his armors armed with his erected nipples?


Dilton Doiley, Riverdale’s most decorated genius, winning the hearts of other intellectuals. However, Dilton is an antisocial loner, who in many ways is the stereotype nerd that lives in his mother’s basement and listen’s to Rush (not that it’s a bad band, mind you), Nerd-core and Nerd rap music while playing DOTA on his high end computer which he names Lucy after a girl he couldn’t get back in the eighth grade. Phew, that was a mouthful. He’s also Moose’s best friend, our top researchers down the road where that Chinese restaurant is next to the liquor store believes that Dilton Doiley is preparing to use Moose as one of his henchmen, attempting to take over the world by buying P2P programs like Kazaa and Limewire and basically the whole internet that contains torrents. We have informed the proper authorities; the Canadian Mounties will arrive at his home shortly.



Ethel Muggs formerly known as Big Ethel and an earlier draft of Prince’s symbol was the female version of a cross between Napoleon Dynamite and Carrot Top (back in his hay day) except for her black jet hair in the 40s. She had major changes later on in beginning of the millennium. Our sources from India’s underbelly triad bosses, we believed that like Cher and Michael Jackson, she went for major plastic surgery, it took 2 tons of rubber from Durex and 1 tons of plastic from Cher’s left buttocks and two tons of Drew Carey’s fat from his right earlobe to complete the surgery. Oh, and she likes Jughead, at least we know who the possible bachelorette or lesbian convert could be. Oh, and she has a nice personality, explains the dates she gets on Saturday night, which consist of her watching the Casablanca movie 4 times in a row, over a bowl of ice-cream and secretly hoping that aforementioned man-boy would call and sweep her off her feet. Denial always gets the nice people first. Damn you MTV.

Charles ‘’Chuck” Clayton and Nancy Woods, relatively the only black couple you’ll ever see in this other dimensional Riverdale. Of course, Chuck is very good in sports with an afro and he likes drawing with a flat top making him a victim of tokenism. Nancy is good in arts as well, color painting of course and she’s very good in sports too but unlike her boyfriend, she doesn’t have the need of an Afro for her source of power. Over the course of the Archie universe, other ethnicities were introduced, I’m waiting for Wang Tan, the Chinese kid who is part ricer and part engineer who is in the chess clubs and cries to sleep when his ex girlfriend, Char Siew Pau is with either a white man or black man or Hispanic man, basically everyone else but himself. At least, he had a girlfriend I suppose, unlike Dilton. Lo-a-zer! However considering that Chuck and Nancy hardly plays any drama in the whole drama that seems to spawn every few minutes with the rest of the Archie Gang members, we realized that this two are the epitome normal people in that twisted universe of Riverdale.


That’s the most I’m going to touch here because the other characters are so mundanely boring in the Archie universe (our researchers went home early) that we have decided to conclude this topic to an end.


So what have we really learned from this exposé? Did we really find out why Moose is such a jealous freak of nature? Did we ever find out the origins of Jughead’s overeating habits? Does Midge have a conscience? Does Archie feel guilt after stringing both Betty and Veronica through his fake romantic wonderland? Did you feel like me and my staff could have come up with better material than this? Do I know what I just said and what I just attacked blatantly? Was the truth really exposed?


Meh, I’m bored. Ooh, look, butterfly.

sincerely "exposed"
i bid you adieu
STEREOMANIC

Chapter 33: There was this 1 Malaysian

Just a fast sketch i made this morning and i guess, there is almost no subtlety about it if you really thingk about it. i think when i came up with this,when drawing the person sketch here, i was taking more into consideration that the person represents Malaysia as a whole rather than just 1 Malaysian. ENJOY.

If you feel that you need to comment, please feel free to do so. Flamers will be flamed back. lol.

(P.S: My handwriting is better than what is shown in the sketch, i purposely made it that way to convey a more grungier look)


Another thing, the DiGi competition is still on and you can either vote for me or check out my post then vote for me.

Chapter 32: Pimp My Broadband

(Just got my entry approved so hope you enjoy and click on thumbs up once you're done... just click on (VOTE FOR ME )

(ANNOUNCER’S/HOST’S VOICE)

Hello and good day to you, for those of you at home who just join us, let me introduced myself; I’m Greg Deegy Broadbent, and you are tuning in to ‘MODEM SURVIVOR’, meet our chosen contestant, he hails from Kuching, Sarawak, his name is Norman, he is unconvinced that DiGi is the better service provider,

(Audience: OOooh)

(Continues)

 Yes, yes…but not only is DiGi the better service provider but also provides fast efficiency for your internet surfing needs. Norman, tell us about yourself, please.

Norman: 

Well, I have a very interesting job, I…

Greg Deegy: 

Right, thanks for the info Norm, now moving on, we here at MODEM SURVIVOR will not in any way or anyhow will be responsible for the actions and the consequences that may lead to any form of injuries or death of the contestant or would be liable for any legal action that would or could be given to the show itself, in short, Norman, enter at your own risk.

Norman:

Did you just say death?

Greg:

Don’t worry, I won’t feel a thing.

Norman:

But…

Greg: 

If you win, aside from the DiGi Broadband, you could get a Macbook or HP Mini laptop.

Norman:

I’M IN!

Greg:

Good, now the rules of the game is like this, you would be placed on undisclosed remote island away from civilization, just like how you are now, just less sad.

Norman:

Heey!

Greg:

As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by Mr. Norman here…

(Glares at Norman)

You will be placed on a remote island, with a bland branded modem with a less than desirable Internet service provider for 5 days and if you don’t starve to death or deteriorate into thin air by the lack of any form of interaction by the end of your punishment, I meant stay. You will be given an interview on your thoughts on DiGi’s Broadband and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a laptop and modem in the process. 

Norman:

Wait, what? Did you say starve to death? Ahn…and I haven’t even tested DiGi yet, how would I know?

(Greg flips out his laptop and showed him 24 simultaneous downloads of movies on high speed with more than 100 plus Kbps per download he bought from iTunes) 

Greg:

You happy?

Norman:

Disturbingly yes.

Greg: 

Then on with the show, see you later Norman. Grab your laptop, you will need it. 

(Dramatic Intro music for sound effect)

Day 1

I’m pretty stoked, I just received the newest Brand X modem, I opened the unadorned packaging, lo and behold the Brand X broadband, in the box it includes from what experts told me, miles upon miles of wiring, an adapter that doesn’t seem to fit into the electrical socket, a manual that seems to be written in a lost ancient language or written by some poor Asian smuck who barely understands what “hello” means and a rope, still don’t know what the rope is for but maybe it’s for me to build my hammock?

3 hours later

Finally gotten the modem set up to my laptop, the configuration is disturbingly hard, a pop up screen keep telling me to give up my soul and my bank account to brand X. It’s a hard decision so I decided to reboot my computer. In which, upon loading the boot screen, I was hit with the “blue screen of death”.

2 hours later

Okay, finally after reformatting my laptop and having an arduous time calling Microsoft to activate my activation key, I’m ready for some internet surfing; songs downloading, Facebook updating fun time.

7 hours later

I’ve been keeping myself busy while waiting for Google to finish loading. My stomach is rumbling, it’s been 12 hours since my last meal and the last thing I ate was the stale peanuts on the flight over to this ‘’undisclosed’’ island. Hmm, I feel so alone right now, was that a coyote I hear?

Day 2

It’s been more than 24 hours since I last check my email, owh no, my Facebook notifications. Would anyone realize that I’m gone? I feel the Internet Withdrawal syndrome building up. I haven’t even emailed my mom, I promised her I would email her my progression and now she’s going to think I have abandoned her. I need some form of communication; I turned on Microsoft Speech program and listened to Microsoft Sam vocalizing robotically whatever I type on the speech box.  

My stomach is rumbling even worse than last night and the rock I slept on was not helping me curb my hunger. I salvage the seaweed that washed up to shore and had a very salty salad…needs some ketchup.

The internet speed is best described as an obese man crawling in a 2KM running marathon but I still got hope. 

Google is still loading but I kept my hopes up that I would be able to search for something…I eat more seaweed. Someone once told me that it’s bad to drink salty sea water but it goes very well with seaweed, OOooh, look Fairies from Never-land came to visit me. 

 I made a friend to kill the time, no, he’s not a coconut. It’s Fred. Fred Kowalski from New Hampshire, he’s here on holiday, I’m going to be his best man for his wedding with Miss Seaweed. Soon after that, I feel asleep on the sand, listening to the sweet ambience of the night breeze and the symphony of the prevailing waves hitting the shore floors. A small wave woke me up with more seaweed in my mouth. 

Day 3

Woke up feeling woozy, everything seems so different right now, the pigmentation on my visuals is slightly messed up, I feel like puking, I did. I have to find that someone who told me that sea water is bad and tell him that it’s true. I think I just saw a unicorn. 

3 hours of extra sleep

I woke up again feeling dejected, I peek towards the general direction of my laptop when I heard the familiar sound of my Live Messenger going off, I was instantly awake. I ran towards my laptop and check my email. I got some messages, some from my ex girlfriends telling me they hope I get stranded on an island with no food and no communication…how did they know I was on the show?

My mom send me hate mail and also a very detailed scolding about me not contacting her and how I’m now removed from her will and how the dog is getting my share of the money. I ignored the email. I got some from my friends, the ones that wanted to borrow money but mostly spam but right now, spam is my best friend. Ooooh, Viagra and penile enlargement, 50% off. 

Around evening time, I decided to email my mom back apologizing, maybe I can go back up to her good graces. I tried to send, my connection failed. My computer restarted and now the boot loading screen is stuck while playing ‘’the ketchup song’’ on loop. I cried myself to sleep. 

Day 4

I woke up late in the afternoon and decided to do something more productive; I chase some crabs around the island but got bitten by what looked like to be a very angry squirrel, I know I sounded delusional and I somewhat blame the huge gash on head due to the tree that I knocked into trying to chase the crabs but don’t worry I am fineeeeeeee*^%&*@#%^^wjak;a;lkdasfasfgasg…

I woke up I believe 2 hours later, I feel much better now. The connection was suddenly okay again so I decided to log in to my facebook, I waited another 2 hours. While waiting I made a Haiku.

I have internet, it is slow, i tell myself I know. 

I know this is going to sound strange but I just figured the meaning to life, I quickly try to unscramble my brain so that I can remember word for word because this would single handedly be the most important thing in your life for you to ever read, it is what make champions, champions and winners, winners. Ooooh, I got superpoke by a female stranger. 

3 hours later

I just finished sending the female stranger (that’s her name) a message on facebook, it took me a while but I hope the message isn’t too much for her. There’s something important I wanted to say just now but I just can’t seem to remember. 

The internet connection got better around 11pm, I was ecstatic, however I fell asleep. 

Day 5

It’s the last day, but I think I couldn’t care less anymore. I will be picked up very soon and I just feel indifferent about it. Hell, they don’t even need to pick me up and I will be perfectly fine

I have developed a new sense of contentment; I think it’s the lack of online communication and interaction. Who needs the internet? I have all I ever wanted ever on this peaceful island like my seaweed collection, my tent, my salt water and my laptop. I mean if we really think about it, there is no society hierarchy or society’s pressures here and I think I just found nirvana. I am one with the island, I am one with the crappy internet connection, I am one with the….WAIT, IS THAT A HELICOPTER? OWH GOD, YES, YES, HELP, GET ME OUT OF HERE, QUICK, I NEED MY CONNECTION, I NEED MY FACEBOOK PROFILE, I NEED MY MSN, I NEED TO CHAT ONLINE, HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP ME!

End of Journal

(3 days after Norman was released from the observation unit and was given a fast look see on the speed of DiGi’s broadband, Greg Deegy Broadbent interviewed him)

Greg:

So what do you think about DiGi’s Broadband connection Norman?

Norman:

Sweet, sweet ecstasy, oh look, I was able to logged-in to my Facebook account on the first try. Wow!

Greg:

So, Norman, please explain to the audience what you think about DiGi generally?

Norman (hugging his laptop and the DiGi modem in hand):

I love you DiGi, don’t leave me…I need you, pwease tell me you wuv me

Greg:

Well there you have it folks, This is Greg Deegy Broadbent signing off, you have been watching Modem Survivor, stay tune next week when we place our next vict…contestant in a shark infested tank trying to come out alive while at the same time trying to download the latest ringtone.

DiGi – Always the smartest choice

(VOTE FOR ME )

(VOTE FOR ME )

Chapter 31: A blogger Award For Stereomanic

Hey all, it’s one of those times again to finally read another entry by your favorite blogger, Stereomanic, at least i like me. Sorry for the absence but I was busy with other things. The biggest hindrance for me in attempted multi-tasking is not finishing what I started; I got an art-page that seen its best days and now only used as a left-for-dead art work depository, I got a whole truss of rap lyrics I haven’t or won’t finish up, I got my graphic novel I want to start but always find a damn excuse not to and finally I got a blog that needs some proper attention and obviously wasn’t given the time of day like a one on one conversation with a nagging Asian mother. 

Meh, I think I have surpassed the usual ceremonial apology for my absence so let’s jump to the next topic shall we?

Yup, a month ago, I received a blog award from a good blogger buddy, a certain Marcus Teng, I’m not sure what award it is, and perhaps I should read his entry rather than glancing through than returning to watching more stimulation from Redtube. However, regardless of how mundane and insignificant that award is, I’m eternally grateful to Marcus Teng for even thinking about this blog. Seeing that I’m in the 12 position on his best blog award list, I can only imagine that I was either in the “save the best for last” category or the “oh, shit, I need 4 more bloggers to list down, shit, what was that guy who commented on me last month, the one that actually bothered to give me his link, …” category but still I’m grateful until I get a real award, the one that says “best blogger who couldn’t give a damn as long as I get paid because I’m bloody Asian and blatantly racist” award also known as local political beliefs award.  

Here’s a link to his blog and the post about yours truly, seriously he’s one funny Chinese dude, I mean, besides his overbearing, egoistic, self-absorbed rants about things as random as say, an imaginary twitter what-if’s status updates by celebrities. His self imposed I’m funnier than thou remarks can only be considered puckish and rude as Judge Jude, at times being a bit too conceited in his look in life. What can be said about Marcus Teng besides being the entertainment we all seek in blogs, Kenny Sia needs to take lessons from this dude because Marcus rocks (I expect my money in the mail by Monday) and don’t be mad Kenny, oh get a Guinness or Prudential already. 

I think if was given a chance to met Marcus face to face I would only have to kindly decline the offer because I’m allergic to ugly but seriously he’s a nice guy. LOL. I’m not so sure why I’m doing a roast on Marcus Teng and my incoherent blabber about him, it’s almost like I stalk the guy but that’s impossible, I live in Kuching (it’s not in SABAH, it’s in SARAWAK which is its own state and isn’t located in the centre of SABAH) and paying for those flights just to stalk the guy is a waste of money. I don’t think I can even continuously insult the guy anymore as he does but I have to keep in mind that I don’t know him pretty well and I only insult people after the 2nd outing. 

To go into digression, perchance to remove some of the heat from Marcus Teng I would like to say that I like pie and peaches. I love peaches. Have you ever seen a peach before? It’s one of the most beautiful looking fruits God gave to us. I’m an admirer of peaches, pie I can live without but peaches, hmmm…Tasty, tantalizing, juicy, ripe with that freshly flavorsome goodness. How oh how would I live without peaches, only God knows. Man, if I could get my three peaches I would already be in the seventh heaven or cloud nine. Have you ever taste the insides of a peach? I could eat that peach all day. Look at the shape, a small curve in between giving that peach that oh so special touch. Somehow it is oddly familiar? Hmmm…

I Bid You a ''Peachy'' Adieu.

STEREOMANIC

Chapter 30: Random Kopitiam talk while drunk driving

It’s been a while is an understatement on my part as far as my blogging activities go so let’s forgo the pleasantries and go straight to my newest post. Don’t expect anything thought provoking or anything controversial of the blogging nature. Talking about that, I notice that there is an increase of bloggers posting their “camwhore” photos, mostly of the female gender and that gets them attention. Now, I’m not one of those bloggers that are jealous and want part of the apple pie near the window sill, you can have it. I write what I like, screw what you want. I beat to a certain drum; well I would like to believe I do. If I followed the crowd, I would be wearing pants with straps around my backside; a tight flamboyant t-shirt with words like “everlasting cocksucker” or “Emos iz Rockz” while slitting my wrist to air supply… and ladies, it’s not a pretty picture. 

At any rate, camwhoring involves the viewers to either withstand the dozen plus pictures slowly veering itself on the browser or try to hold in the puke seeing a really heavily make-up girl with “weirdly-proportionate facial features” trying her best to stimulate my senses with her cleavage, yeah I don’t use the word ugly, it doesn’t help their self-esteem but on the other hand, parading your pre-teen/tween body on the internet isn’t a good way to raise one’s self-esteem. If you’re Malaysian I should not even mention the toll it would do to see these photos on the steady but surely speed of Streamyx. Those are just the damn camwhoring bastards; i haven’t even touch on those that post random crap like…moving on. 

 I want this blog to be “sell-out” free, yeah, ignore the advertising, perhaps I should rephrase that and say I don’t want my post to be advertorials or controlled by an unnamed forces but rather it would be more convenient if I allow advertising to be on the side panels so I could stir in my creative writing juices and come up with something more appetizing to my readers. Obviously, I haven’t been doing a good job. Blame it on my type A and B personality mixture, I’m a perfectionist who realizes that life isn’t perfect so i just sit back, chillax and watch the birds fly while trying to maintain order. Yup, I got issues. I really hate celebrity bloggers attitude when or if I meet them; they’re quite patronizing for one and they think I would go gaga over them, hell, I won’t even go gaga for Megan Fox even if she’s naked standing in front of me with a an X-box controller, that’s also because I would have fainted from overexcitement. 

But sexual matters aside, I aim to write something I like; ooh, no shit Sherlock. There’s no moral lesson here to learn kiddies, it’s just me randomly picking a topic and attempting to rant about it till somebody ask me to shut up but like your mother said, it was just a hand job…wait, nevermind. My mind was controlled by an unknown force down there, in my underwear. Nevermind...MOVING ON.

Have you ever met people you cannot understand, no…not me you idiot, I mean people with ascents. In my former college, I met a lot of Africans and no disrespect but sometimes cultural exchange can be a funny moment where one just sits there in awe…and confusion.

African Friend: Heh mahn, wheh yuh goingh monh, gonhin to clahss?

Chinese Friend: Chu knowe oledi, me ladh oledi oh.

Indian friend: JAI HO!

Malay Friend: Ape lah you ni, I tak faham lah. Macam sial. Tak syiok la.

Dayak friend: Nyirup kaban, nadai merensak, anang irau ati lantang. Nyirup sampai pagi, woo-haa.

White friend (in the local’s mind): I’m here to plunder your women and children. Give me your souls.

White friend (what was actually said): G’day mate, how’s it hangin’?

Yup, it’s not as funny as I imagine but what can be said on such short notice. 

SINCERELY NOT DOING A GOOD JOB.
I bid you adieu. 
STEREOMANIC

Chapter 29: A mix of emotions update.

“It’s been a while huh!”

So said the blogger who have been absent from blogging duties. Upon further inspection, one might conclude that this blogger hasn’t updated the blog roll since the pre-Gawai week and have neither a word nor a real good reason for it besides concluding that he was plain lazy. A few things first, let me justify myself by saying that I haven’t really got anything as news worthy to write about as a say a three-eyed fish spotted around Springfield lake. Talking about news, Michael Jackson suffered from cardiac arrest and died at his home yesterday. It was a sad day for his fans, especially the fanboys. No I’m not insinuating anything, in fact, I dare say I was a big fan back in my 80s/90s days of ballad rock and 90s rap days. Of course later on, I started listening to “heavier”, less popish, less “cheesy” kind of music…like Limp Bizkit which was bad on my part but can you really resist a guy in a red cap screaming nonsensical lyrics that even a 6 year old would easily upped? 

Hmmm, putting in context, Limp Bizkit sucks eggs but no one can ever beat Soulja-Boy because only he has the power to “superman that hoe” and “smacking that robocop” with a jump rope, whatever that means. 

Anyway, back to the subject matter at hand. Michael Jackson definitely wasn’t the epitome of male machismo but he definitely got our respect to have this metamorphosis from black to white which doesn’t matter according to him but you better “beat it” before the “man in the mirror” goes “bad” on you and does the “dirty Diana” on your ass. Okay, let’s move on from this horrid lame jokes. I won’t even go on the child molester jokes. Okay, I sound insensitive but truly the man was one of my “childhood” heroes and yes, those quotes is redundant as WWE assuming that people actually believing “rasslin’” is real. 

On a personal subject, I normally don’t go all emotional on anyone mind you but recently my sister went to KL to further her studies and on a certain degree, I have to say that my family and I miss her greatly. 

There is no more this “LOUD” over the top stereo-surround-sound-like voice (foo chow like too) around the house coming up with sometimes the weirdest ideas ever known to men or a overbearing argument over who have to wash the damn dishes at the sink. Yes, I know it sounds annoying but I assure you, the family just isn’t the same without her. So this post really is not a tribute to MJ but seriously dedicated to my sister. HOPE YOU DO GREAT and IF ANY GUY TRIES TO ANNOY YOU, just now DAD and I DON’T MIND GOING BACK TO PRISON AGAIN.lol.